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I'm sitting at a local coffee shop working away. I like the hustle and bustle around me, particularly when I need to be creative. Going through some emails, all of a sudden, this guy approaches. He’s got a baby in his hands, a cap on, casual Friday-style appearance. Big warm smile on his face and he hands me his business card. “Just in case you need it,” he said kindly. It took me a second to connect the dots. And once I did, I smiled back at him with a “This is awesome, thank you”.
When utilizing Emotional Relevance in sales, it is imperative to realize how we want our clients to FEEL. We do that by sharing our value proposition, our differentiation, our vision, and more. But only a few of us are mindful of HOW our clients feel when we share these sales elements. What this guy did, the way he did it was personable, different, intimate, genuine. And if you ask me how it made me feel about him, I’d say a feeling of warmth and sincerity. And yes, a feeling of trust. Feelings that make me go and do business with him. Heck, I wanted to hug him.
He paid attention. Paid attention to the opportunity. The opportunity to connect and initiate a relationship.
Do you? Pay attention? Do you see opportunities to connect?
When you connect, when you set that emotional anchor and seek a relationship, not an opportunity, it is engraved in our souls. And then, you never know when it will be triggered again. All you have to do is pay attention. To the opportunity to connect.
I went to a networking event last night here in Atlanta. After the keynote speaker, the panel of experts, and a few start-up companies that presented their offerings we had some time to mingle. I love mingling. I love speaking to people, connecting, and making new relationships. Suddenly, out of nowhere, this guy, I would say around 60, jumps at me. The thing is, even though I was startled for a second, his genuine smile put me immediately at ease. He seemed truly happy to see me. And the fact he called out my name while jumping at me made it clear he knew me. At first, I did not recognize him. He realized that by my puzzled look and said: “We met at (mutual friend’s name) for dinner a while back. We sat on the floor together.”
At that moment, the memory from that dinner came back. Without intent, he triggered that emotional anchor that was engraved in my mind back then and got me to relive it. And because that moment from that dinner was a warm, homey-like moment that felt like a true hug, it is exactly what I felt last night when I realized who he was. This mutual friend of ours has been a great friend for many years. She knows that every time I am at her house, if we are in the kitchen, and we talk, my thing is to sit on the counter. Just like I did when I was a child in my mom’s kitchen. It makes me feel at home. And my friend loves it….that I feel at home at her house.
That evening, at dinner, the counter was full of amazing food so instead of sitting on the counter, I went to the living room. Guests sitting everywhere and so, very naturally I sat on the floor. Leaning at the wall, and that was I guess, my way of feeling at home. Some people who walked by and did not know me saw it as a bit odd but one person, whom at that point I did not know either, stopped, looked down, and….sat right next to me. He felt what I felt. We shared a moment. We talked for quite a while. We had a connection. And we both felt it. It was as if we were in our own world for those few moments sitting on the floor together. Two adults who acted like two kids who felt at home. An emotional anchor was planted.
And so yesterday, when he jumped at me and triggered that moment, and that emotional warmth of feeling at home washed my body…I smiled back and…we hugged. We chatted for a few minutes but kept getting interrupted by people around us. I realized there was an opportunity. To connect, even further. This time, we exchanged numbers and are scheduled to meet for coffee later this week. Not sure where it will take us, but I know we connected.
"Remember – cultivate the relationship, not the opportunity." Alon Zaibert
Let’s break it down:
Plant the Emotional Anchor - When you meet someone new, be it at a conference, on a flight, or online, pay attention to them! As people. NOT as a CTO, Dir of Procurement, or any other title. Other than the work stuff, find out about them, focus on what they respond to, and take notes. Share something personal and see who reacts to it. In any case, make sure there is something that is not work-related but rather personal, or emotional being discussed. That is your emotional anchor.
Trigger the Emotional Anchor – In your follow-up email, the next time you meet or when you are on the phone with that person you had that emotional moment with, bring it up again. In a genuine, conversational manner but bring it up. Someone I like working with recently told me one of his prospects shared with him that his sons play basketball in college and since my guy is a huge sports fan from a big sports family, it immediately resonated with him and he shared some personal stuff about his own family and the love for the sport. The next time they met, my guy asked his prospect: “Hey, how did the game go for your son?”. That’s all he had to do. According to him, his prospect, in front of everyone crammed in an elevator, got so emotional he gave him a big hug. That’s paying attention to the opportunity to connect.
Hit repeat – now that you understand the concept of Emotional Anchoring, keep doing so. This will result in 2 things: a. You will find yourself paying more attention. b. Your clients and prospects will appreciate you more, trust you more, and open up more.
Pay attention to the opportunity – this time, the business opportunity. I guarantee you that once you’ve opened up with them, and they trust you more, they will share their challenges more intimately, and their goals and aspirations in a more personal way so you can help them. Just pay attention and be there for them.
The guy who came over to my table at the coffee shop did it in a very natural way. You could tell he was genuinely a nice guy. The baby, his baby, happened to be there. Whether he knew it, or even used it, doesn’t matter. He handed me his business card as he would love to earn my business. But he came over to establish some trust. He did so by making me smile. By paying attention. And by seeking to connect.
Yesterday I broke my glasses. I was wearing them while working on my emails just on one ear and completely forgot about it. The guy, Dr. Scott, saw it. Paid attention. And gave me his card. He is an Optometrist.
His office is a bit out of my way but man did he make me feel like I want to. Connect.
And all he did was pay attention. To the opportunity. The opportunity to connect.
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